Ta ta for now...

I am at ease. I know where I'm working next week, the seat I'm going to occupy, the editors I'm going to assist, the magazine that's going to be my new home. I'm planning a new route to work every morning. I'll have to stop at a new Duane Reade for my Diet Mountain Dew. But despite change, it's a great feeling. I'm thrilled about the people I'm going to be working with, and the duties the job entails, and I'm actually kind of excited about moving on. One step at a time, right? My big news is...I took the internship.

I know what you're thinking, "WHAT??? What about the job?" Yeah, well, no dice, Edsters. The editor was really nice about it (and at least I have a new contact at that magazine). She apologized for taking so long, said she was impressed with me, suggested that I keep in touch. I asked her for advice, and she had nothing but wonderful things to say in reply. My point? Sometimes you can do everything in your power, and the odds just aren't in your favor. Who knows? She may have already had an intern waiting in the wings (I know I would!), or maybe she thought I was great, but just not for that particular job.

My reaction to the news was weird. I wasn't really upset, because I just knew that I had to take the internship. I love the magazine, love the job description, and love the staff. If it was a permanent spot, my dilemma would've been a no brainer. I e-mailed the internship contact immediately and accepted. I was excited and relieved and I felt confident in my decision, which is a miracle for someone who's chronically indecisive like me.

Of course, when I imparted my news on a few friends, I got quite a different reaction. I believe it was, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry...I stopped counting "sorrys" somewhere around 4 or 5. Now, wait a sec. Yes, I just told you that I didn't get the job, but I did say I got this awesome internship. Come on now. Let's put this in perspective, and stop acting like I lost my grandmother or something. I don't think it's healthy to only talk to people who are in magazines--after a while, I start feeling like I'm behind, that if I don't have a job by the time I turn 23, something's wrong. It's too much pressure. I'm actually pretty happy with where I'm at, until other people's comments (something related to "You don't have a job yet???") convince me otherwise.

So, I called Friend #1 and Friend #2. Neither one is affiliated with magazines--one chatted about her wedding, the other talked about her fish. But neither even paused when I told them I didn't get the job; instead, they shrieked about the fact that I got an internship. Isn't this the way it should be? Focusing on the positive, and not the negative? I'm adopting it for my new 2006 m.o.

And so my internship begins, and I have to say sayonara for now. I'll be back; I mean, I will be on the hunt again in a few months, but I definitely won't be dishing about my internship experience. Risk this new opportunity by ending up like another Jolie in NYC? Sorry, guys.

The Waiting Game

I took the advice of many Edsters (and my quasi-over-bearing Father...everyday it's "Have you heard from them? Have you heard from them???"), and contacted the magazine I've been interviewing with at the end of last week. I called early in the morning, hoping to reach the editor before the hustle of the day made her loopy. I left a brief voicemail, asking that she let me know where I stand in the hiring process, and I also sent an e-mail, detailing my situation.

And I'm not even kidding you, but she responded thirty minutes later. I freaked. I'm not used to having such a fast answer. I hated to open it. Yes, at this point, I want to know where I stand, but sometimes not knowing is nice...am I right? When I don't know, I can still dream about working there--sifting through celebrity gossip, organizing Excel documents, routing copy. It's a nice dream. And because the editor got back to me without hesitation, I immediately questioned what the message probably said, because normally, if you get a quick response, it's not that they want you...it's that they don't. Plus, thanks to my e-mail account, I can always read the first few words in an e-mail before opening it. And this one? Well, it read: Hi (Ed's Girl), Sorry...

I stopped breathing.

I opened it.
"Sorry...for taking so long to get back to you."

Even now, thinking about it still makes me feel somewhat light-headed, because the truth is, Edsters, I still don't know the outcome. I'm back where I was last week, because the editor asked for more time (as in, the weekend). I know how busy they are, and the last thing on their mind--especially, the week after New Year's--is getting back to a job candidate.

So, I'm currently sitting at my computer, working on anything to get my mind off of my e-mail and phone. Watch Sex and the City Season 1 one more time? Sure, why not. Polish furniture? Yeah, sounds good.

And I know I'm addicted, because when my dad called earlier (he's in town this week) wanting to meet up at 5, my first thought was, "Wait, if I meet with him at 5, how will I have access to my computer between the hours of 4:30 p.m. and the closing of the work day? What if the editor e-mails me?"

The situation is not as dire as I'm making it sound. I did get a call on Saturday about interviewing for a new job at another magazine this week. (Weird they called on Saturday, eh? Guess you never know.) And I do have that internship offer--although, I imagine that editor is beginning to rip up my resume as we speak. (I'm grateful, Internship Editor. I promise! I really want the internship! I want to work at your magazine! I just really REALLY want to see about this job!)

Anyone know what hives look like? Because I think I might be getting them.

How I paid for everything in 2005

January-May:
I didn't make any money my first few months in the city, because I was working at an unpaid internship, so I used my college savings. While I was in school, I worked full-time at $9/hour to cover my expenses. Prices being cheap in most places besides New York, I was able to save $5,000, all which went to pay for any costs during my internship. I didn't have any student loans, because I was on college scholarship (and I'm grateful for that everyday), so I had no outstanding bills. I didn't have a computer or TV, so the only fee I did have other than rent was my cell phone. (Yes, I didn't have health insurance--it was too expensive.)

By the end of my internship, I was left with $1,200 in my bank account.

June:
I was offered a couple of paying freelance assignments, so I decided to hit the pavement for a solid month to see if I could land a full-time job...no backup plan. I had enough money to get by for a month, and I came close with a couple of interviews, but nothing panned out. I was down to almost a month's rent, so I decided to apply for a restaurant job.

July-August:
I worked about thirty-five hours a week at my restaurant job. My paycheck covered my rent, and my tips went in savings. After two weeks there, I started getting harassed during and after my shifts. Management wasn't doing anything about it. I stuck it out for two months, hoping it might get better. It didn't. I quit. I could go in to it more, but I'd rather not.

...and this was the point where I felt like some starving artist, and really, REALLY started thinking about giving up, and going home...

September-November:
I had saved up enough money from my restaurant job to pay for any expenses through November. I got a computer--a late graduation/bday gift--so I had an extra bill of $50/month, but I split it with my next door neighbor, so I only pay $25. Meanwhile, I took on a few freelance assignments, but because the checks wouldn't come through until mid-December, I had to ask my parents to help pay for a couple of weeks of December rent. (I pay rent on a week-by-week basis.)

December:
I received three checks in the mail for different freelance assignments, so I paid back my Dad, and the rest of December's rent. My dad did, however, offer to pay for basic health insurance until I get on my feet...he said it was more for his peace of mind, than mine. (And yes, I realize I'm completely lucky to have such support.)

January:
So far I've paid rent up to Jan. 15. I have enough money from freelance gigs to pay for anything through February. After that, I'm completely out of cash. If I don't find some sort of semi-permanent work by the beginning of February, I'll probably start working retail or restaurants...preferably in a different zip code from my last restaurant experience.


I know you all think I'm crazy. I know I'm crazy. I graduated with a degree, I'm a smart girl, and I'm making less than I was during summer breaks from school. But I do it, because once I get a job, it will all be worth it. I don't want to settle. I refuse to go home and get the first English-related job I can find, because it's not what I want. I would constantly wonder what my life could have been like if I had just stuck it out. I'm not in it for the money. If I wanted money, I'd be an i-banker. I love magazines. I can take rejection, and I can take the dissenters. Everyone is entitled to an opinion. Bring it on.

How do you pester a magazine without being a pest?

My day was fairly normal. My internet shut off like always—I know DSL is supposed to be reliable, but why is it that the minute the weather outside goes below 40 degrees, my line goes down. Verizon, are you hearing me now??

So, I headed to Kinko’s, the normal hot spot of my weekday jaunts, to send a couple of e-mails. I’m still in the thick of research for a freelance assignment, and with everyone scrambling after the holidays, I’m movin’ and shakin’ too. Well, at least until the afternoon soaps came on.

Hmm, General Hospital or Laguna Beach? I went with Laguna, justifying it as research into the teen psyche I’m covering for the freelance assignment. If Carrie Bradshaw can sleep with men for her column, then I can most certainly watch what some might call filth.

Then, my Internet decided to work again during the mid-day sun, and my own excuses for not working were over. I headed back online to research and strategize….

…strategize my next job move.

Oh, yes, I make it sound like a life-or-death situation. I’m so dramatic. But in my world right now, it is pretty darn important. To catch you up, I received an e-mail from an editor at my other favorite magazine (I say “other” to differentiate it from the magazine I’m currently interviewing for). I had met with her about an internship back in fall, but alas…they decided to go with someone else. (I say “alas” months and months after the fact, because “alas” definitely doesn’t convey how bummed I was.)

Now, she wanted to know if I was available for their spring internship, because they’re still interested.—and of course, I’m still interested! Okay, so I love, LOVE this magazine. It’s pretty much my dream internship. But before jumping for joy and calling the ‘rents, I had to keep in mind that “other” possibility…um, remember the dream job I was already interviewing for?

Eek.

Either way it’s a win-win situation. I could either intern at my favorite magazine, or work on staff at my other favorite magazine. (And don’t make me choose which I like better, because I don’t know that I could!)

Right, or there is that third possibility: I could end up empty-handed, with neither opportunity.

I was upfront with the internship editor about the job I’ve been interviewing for, and she seemed willing to wait…for now. I don’t want to leave her hanging. If the job magazine hasn’t decided yet, and I make the internship wait too long, they’ll obviously need to hire someone else. And what’s to keep the job magazine from narrowing their choices down to me and someone else, and then choosing the latter? (Hey, it’s happened before.)

And then the editor for the internship said something that really raised the stakes—I’m their first choice!

I can’t even convey how good it feels to hear that. I went up and down the hallway, knocking on my friends’ doors to tell them. So what if they didn’t care?

A new New Year’s Resolution: Talk about myself more, and brag whenever possible. (I’ll substitute it for #5).

But the issue still remains—what is going to happen with the job?

How can I put the pressure (but NOT pressure) the magazine I’ve been interviewing at? The internship is waiting to hear the job verdict, I’m waiting to hear the job verdict…I need to know if I’m still on their radar, or if they left me back in ’05.

How do you pester a magazine without being a pest? And once you send ideas, recommendations, clips, and thank you notes, is there really anything else you can do?

I don’t know. If I did I wouldn’t still be “strategizing” at 10:30 at night.

2006..the sweet smell of success?

Ahh.

There’s nothing better than the fresh start of a new year.

Flashback to New Year’s 2005:
I was at home with my parents. We went to dinner, drove around looking at plastic reindeer and blow-up snowmen in other people’s yards (a family tradition), and watched a late showing of Lord of the Rings at the local movie theatre. I spent my time leaning against the back window of my father’s 4-door with one of the hotel notepads my mother hoards in her purse, jotting down everything I hoped to accomplish in 2005:

1) Move to New York.
2) Get a magazine job in New York.
3) Get friends in New York.
4) Get an apartment in New York.
5) Exercise three times a week. (Optional)

I cried in the backseat as I looked over the list, because I figured my hopes were, well hopeless. I pictured my new life as a college grad with long family drives in the backseat and late-night movies situated between both of my parents and a greasy tub of popcorn.

And then two days later I got an email for an interview in New York. Two weeks later I was living in the city and interning. Everything happened within a month. I felt so accomplished that I decided to scratch number five all together.

Present Day:
I already approved upon last year’s New Year’s festivities—I wasn’t in a movie (I did consider going to Empire 25, but alas, they were closed after the 4 o’clock showings), I wasn’t in the back of my parents’ car, and I didn’t allow myself to throw a pity party. I had my glass of bubbly, danced to some Outkast, and tried to let go of my job worries for an evening.

Magazine staffs will be back in the office tomorrow, and I’m hoping for a repeat of last year’s whirlwind. Yes, I may be naïve to wish for such luck twice, but that’s the great thing about a new year, you never know what it has in store. At least this year I know such good fortune really is possible! My guidelines for 2006:

1) Get a permanent, full-time magazine job in the city.
2) Move to a real apartment, void of women in habits and mystery meats.
3) Begin writing a book having nothing to do with single women in New York, publishing, and definitely not including the terms “devil” or “Prada.”
4) Avoid negative people.
5) Exercise three times a week, but only if the new, full-time job offers gym reimbursement. (Optional.)

Maybe my ambitions are lofty, but don’t tell me otherwise, ‘cause I don’t want to hear it. (RE: #4)